Drive
by lost highway
Summary: Relationships are complicated. Why should Kakashi and Iruka's be any different? A series of one shots, drabbles, and ficlets. Each story is complete within itself. Chapters 23: Horror, Chapter 24: Annoyance, Chapter 25: Test, Chapter 26: Trouble Lurking, Chapter 27: Do Not Disturb, and Chapter 28: Safety First.
1. Drive

Title: Drive

Rating: T

Characters: Kakashi, Iruka

Summary: SCARR is not a hard class to teach. Neither are the on roads that happen after. So why is Iruka so frustrated?

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or SCARR, but I do own this story line.

"Welcome to SCARR. As you all are aware, you all are here because of your road rage and multiple speeding tickets. This class will be very similar to driver's education, re-teaching you how to drive safely." Iruka glanced throughout the room. Most of the people were teenagers, a few middle aged men, and one man who seemed to be in his mid twenties like Iruka. Iruka sighed mentally. If the death glares from the middle aged men and the loud chattering of the teenagers were anything to go by, this was going to be a long week.

"Class will be from 9 am to 3 pm every day and all missed hours will have to be made up. You will have a 1 hour lunch break everyday and on the last day, we will review before taking the test. When I am done grading, you will be free to go. I suggest you all pay attention. We have a lot to get through."

XXXX

As was expected, the week took forever to complete. Iruka ran his fingers through the loose bangs on his forehead. He had sent everyone on an extra long lunch break so that he could grade their tests. He was pleasantly surprised to find at the end, no one had gotten below a 75, which meant everyone had passed. Now they could all take their road lessons. Iruka sighed when he remembered that he was one of the instructors for road lessons. He really had to convince Tsunade that he needed a vacation. He looked up as the class slowly trickled in.

"Congratulations!" he said brightly. "You have all passed the class. Now I'll send your grades and you can begin your road lessons. Class dismissed."

The class cheered and jumped out of their seats. All except the one man in his twenties left the room. He sent a quick text message before settling back and pulling a book out from his bag. Iruka glanced over and nearly choked on the water he was drinking. He quickly composed himself before rummaging through his papers to find his seating chart.

"Umm…er Kakashi-san?" Iruka asked. When the man didn't respond, he tried again. "Kakashi-san!"

"Yo."

"Can you please put that book away? It's indecent given your surroundings."

"Hm. A classroom, a teacher's desk, one hot teacher. Yeah, I guess it's indecent." He said as he close the book.

"Thank you Kaka- er, what did you say?" Iruka stuttered.

"I said," Kakashi said as he loomed in front of Iruka, "A classroom, a teacher's desk, and one hot teacher make this an indecent book given the setting. But I know something even more indecent."

"Are you hitting on me?" Iruka asked incredulously. The other man's eye crinkled into an inverted u. "Pervert!"

"I don't know about that Sensei." Kakashi replied. "But you should be my on roads instructor. I would give you one hell of a ride."

"Class was dismissed. And I will not be your on roads instructor." Iruka growled out.

"We'll see about that Sensei."

ONE WEEK LATER

"Good job Kiba! You've gotten better at not cussing at people." Iruka said brightly. Kiba nodded as he stepped out of the car. "Keep practicing self control though."

"But self control is so hard when you're around Sensei." Whispered a voice from the back seat of the car. Iruka groaned. For a few moments he had forgotten who was waiting for him in the back seat of the car. Iruka groaned again when he realized he was alone in the car with Kakashi.

"My, my Sensei," Kakashi purred, "it seems everywhere we meet is 'indecent'."

"What do you mean?" squawked Iruka.

"A car, a sunset, a hot teacher. Now all we need is an empty parking lot to make this scene complete."

"Buckle up, start the car, and drive." Ordered Iruka. "The sooner we get this over with the better."

"Oh, I never knew you were the kinky kind Sensei. You know what they say about repressed teachers."

"WOULD YOU SHUT UP!" yelled Iruka. "I will fail your every road lesson and make you take SCARR again with Gai."

"Ouch Sensei," Kakashi said, realizing he had pushed too far, but nonetheless wanting to get the last word in. The remaining time was spent in silence with Iruka tersely giving directions.

"Well done Kakashi-san." Iruka gritted out at the end of the lesson. Kakashi beamed. Iruka rolled his eyes. All he wanted to do was go home, make himself a nice cup of coffee, and- Iruka's thoughts were cut off as a pair of lips attached to his. A second later they were gone, leaving Iruka as if he were pole axed. The feeling quickly faded.

"KAKASHI!" Iruka screamed as he hurled his water bottle at the figure skipping away.

"See you tomorrow Sens-CLUNK!" Who knew repressed teachers had such good aim?


	2. Cookies

soooo...as u can probably see, this is turning into a 100 themes thing. only i will post sporadically at best. And dont expect any epic stories from me. I write whatever comes to mind and usually i have no patience for working out a proper plot.

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The warm smell of chocolate and cinnamon wafted through the house. Kakashi rubbed sleep out of his eyes and looked around blearily. Instantly he jumped to his feet, kunai ready. This wasn't his house. He looked around and saw the rest of Team 7 lying on the floor, unconscious. Kakashi rewound his mind at lightning speed. What happened? Oh yes, mission, rain, wet, chakra depletion, collapsing at the gates. Then what? He rubbed his temples as he tried to remember. But he couldn't. And now because of that, his genin team was unconscious and he was in enemy territory.

Kakashi lifted his head and sniffed. He followed that alluring scent of chocolate and cinnamon, knowing at the end of it, he would find the enemy. He viewed a brightly lit room down the hall, clinking sounds spewing from it. He tiptoed stealthily and peered through the door.

"Ah, you're awake." The brown haired man said. Kakashi jumped. How did he know? "Kakashi-sensei, I'm a teacher, I know these things. And why are you holding a pen?"

"A pen? What? Who are you?" The man turned. Iruka Umino was his captor?! His jaw dropped.

"What do you mean 'who am I'? You collapsed by the gates, I found you, took you to Tsunade, and brought you all home with me. Then you guys passed out in my living room because you were so tired."

"Oh." Kakashi said weakly. Iruka took another look at him and burst out laughing.

"Go back to sleep Kakashi. There will be cookies and hot chocolate when you get up."

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Reviews are lovely


	3. Introduction

this lovely story should have come in the beginning, but me being me, i give it to u a few stories in. So enjoy.

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Rm. 213. The door was deceptively simple. Simple and brown, with a silver doorknob. But Kakashi could feel the tremendous amount of chakra behind it. He shifted slightly; he hadn't expected so much. There were only supposed to be a select few that were supposed to know about this meeting. He ran a hand through his silver shock of hair and opened the door.

"Welcome Hatake-san!" The room chorused in unison. Kakashi stared; he couldn't believe it. There were at least twenty Jounin and Chunnin sitting in a massive circle. On one side of the room, there was a table covered with light snacks. Kakashi's eyebrows rose. He hadn't been expecting that. Looking at the circle, he found a single open seat, waiting pleasantly for him. Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he slouched to his seat.

Kakashi glanced around, his eyes flitting to faces, nodding to people he knew, memorizing those of people he didn't know. He was surprised; Anko, Genma, Asuma, Kotetsu, Izumo, and even Tsunade, to name a few, were some of the people he knew. But most shocking of all, was a brown haired ponytailed Chunnin by the name of Umino Iruka. Suddenly, Iruka began to speak.

"Alright everyone," he chirped, "as you can see, we have a new member. I'd like you all to say your name and your favorite food as an introduction. I'll begin. My name is Iruka Umino and I love chocolate chip cookies." Everyone continued in his example until it was finally Kakashi's turn.

"My name is Hatake Kakashi and I like chocolate frosting." He said monotonously. Iruka beamed.

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reviews really help an author write

"Welcome Hatake-san to Icha Icha Anonymous. I'm so proud that you have decided to take this step in ending your addiction."


	4. Tears

disclaimer: i don't anything expect for the plot bunny and the anger required to write this story.

a/n: i dont normally write anything that has a sad feeling to it; im usually a happy person, but today was just a shitty day.

THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED!!!

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Tan fingers lightly tapped the edge of the table. The light from a soft candle illuminated the table, meant especially for two. A soft cream and gold tablecloth gave a sense of richness to the entire setting. The plates were perfectly placed, the gold plated silverware glinting under the light of the candle. The table was situated near a large window, overlooking the streets of Konoha. The bright, starry night created the most romantic mood any one could think of, without being extravagant. But something was missing.

Iruka Umino sighed softly before glancing at his wristwatch. 8:40pm. His mind wavered and flew back to yesterday morning at the mission's desk.

*****

"Ah, excuse me?" a voice whispered softly. A tall man with spiky silver hair turned around. "Kakashi-san, may I have a word?"

"If it's about Naruto, Iruka-sensei, I have not heard from him." Kakashi replied, his face, as usual, showing no emotion. Iruka blushed slightly. Perhaps he was a little overbearing when it came to Naruto, but he couldn't help how much he cared for the young man. He shook his head slightly, indicating that it was not about Naruto.

"Please Kakashi-san, a word in private?" Kakashi glanced at him, looking slightly surprised. He nodded his assertion and they stepped into a deserted room for a moment.

"Yes Iruka-sensei, what can I do for you?"

"Ahh, umm, will, umm, will-, umm"

"Iruka-sensei, spit it out. I haven't got all day."

"Willyougooutonadatewithme?" Iruka rushed out. He immediately reddened under Kakashi's stare. He waited a few moments, and when the man didn't respond, he glanced down, rejected. "Sorry for wasting your-"

"Alright. Tomorrow, 7pm, at Akito's Grill." Kakashi had a strange expression on his face. Triumphant, but with something else mixed in. Curiosity perhaps? But Iruka paid no mind. He beamed at Kakashi and nodded his assent.

"See you tomorrow then Kakashi-san!" Iruka practically bounced out of the room.

******

That was well over twenty four hours ago. Iruka sighed again. 8:57pm. Almost two hours past the time that they were supposed to meet at Akito's. He had arrived promptly at 7'o'clock, already finding a reservation "Hatake- 2." Grinning happily, he was seated at his table. Looking out the window, he watched for Kakashi's arrival. Naturally, he was expecting the man to arrive half an hour later, but he himself felt that it was proper to arrive on time.

But now, two hours later, there was no sign of the porn loving jounin. He sighed again. Perhaps it was time for him to leave. After all, the restaurant closed at 10pm. But he shook his head. The only reason Kakashi would be late, he reminded himself, would be because the mission he had today did not end in a timely manner. Knowing that he was an elite jounin did relieve Iruka of some of the tension that was building up. He would wait until the restaurant closed. If he hadn't arrived until then, Iruka would just take a rain check.

9:55pm. The waiter politely asked Iruka to leave if he was not going to order anything more than a cup of coffee. Iruka nodded and decided that Kakashi was probably on a mission. As he stood up to leave, something outside the window caught his eye. It was a silver blob of hair, heading directly towards the restaurant. Iruka felt elated, Kakashi cared enough to see him, even if they couldn't eat together. But that feeling of elation slowly turned to one of dread.

With Kakashi, stood another man. Both of them seemed to be having the time of their lives. As they approached the restaurant, both of them turned and stared directly at the window in which Iruka stood. The unknown man laughed outright at his face, while Kakashi just smirked and gave a tiny wave. Grabbing the other man, Kakashi bent down to dominate his mouth with a kiss. Finished, he smirked again at Iruka, his face clearly saying that _You didn't really think you had a chance with me did you?_

Iruka just stood there, watching them walk away. His hands gripped his chair, his knuckles white. The waiter had quietly slipped away, giving Iruka time to recover. Suddenly, he felt a splash of wetness on his hands. Tears. But why would he be crying, it was just a simple date. It's not like they had a relationship. It wasn't like Iruka had fallen in love with the man. Had he? But Iruka knew two things for certain. Kakashi was a bastard, and once again, Iruka had been completely and utterly rejected.

The wetness fell faster as Iruka watched the silver blob go farther and farther away.

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Oh sadness...can't live with it, can't live without it.

REVIEWS ARE LOVED!!!


	5. 67

So I feel that this really needs to stop; writing stories at ungodly hours of the night. Anyways…happy spring forward and lose an hour of your beauty sleep day. I just love daylight savings. Onwards with the story

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"Man! I can't believe Iruka-sensei's tests are still so hard." Naruto complained. "I'm a Jounin and it's the first time that I've actually properly passed them.

"That's because you couldn't pass a test even if your life depended on it. Like most other people, I can actually pass them. Even if it is with a 71%." Sakura said. "That's not saying a lot since a 70 or above is passing. I actually think that the highest score among pre-genin is 75, both achieved by Sasuke and Neji."

"Actually, I heard that Hanabi beat them out the other day with a 76." Naruto replied. Unaware to the two jounin, Kakashi, who had been avidly reading his beloved books, perked up his ears. This sounded ridiculous; there was no way a chunnin could come up with such difficult tests. He smirked; he had a new project to work on. Needless to say, Naruto and Sakura were shocked to see their sensei snap his book shut and whisk away in a cloud of leaves.

******

"AH!" Iruka yelled as a ninja materialized on his desk, right on the papers he was correcting. As the smoke cleared, a silver shock of hair came into his view. Iruka groaned. He did not need the pervert hassling him right now. He had given a test today and as usual, the grades were abysmal. He glared up at the far too cheerful nin before shoving him backward off his desk. Kakashi, to his credit, flipped backward and landed gracefully on his feet.

"Maa Iruka-sensei, is that any way to treat a fellow colleague?"

"When that colleague is you Hatake-san," Iruka said as he pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration, "yes. What do you want?"

"I want to take your test." Kakashi beamed. Iruka stared at him, mouth agape. "Perhaps I wasn't clear enough. I want to take one of your tests that you give to the pre-genin brats."

You're a pre-genin brat, Iruka thought. Nevertheless, he handed Kakashi a test.

"It's a midterm. The topics vary from throwing weapons, survival, all three types of jutsu, etc. But are you taking the test to give to Naruto and Sakura? Because I just had them take it. They both passed."

"No, I'm taking this to prove that someone can ace your tests."

Iruka scoffed. The last people who had gotten an A (a 95, the highest grade ever) were Sandaime and surprisingly, Jiraiya. There was no way the mere copy nin was going to ace it. In fact, Sandaime and Jiraiya had actually studied some basics before taking the test. Neither could have aced it out of the blue. Well, he thought, at least this will be amusing. He returned from his musing to see Kakashi furiously scribbling. He sighed and returned to his grading, there were the usual F's, near passes, and Hanabi, who had gotten a 76.

Iruka smirked evilly when he remembered the day he gave Hyuuga Hiashi the same test his daughter failed. He got an even worse score. That taught him to never mess with Iruka and his tests. But there was a reason to his madness. His tests were designed so that even knowing 50% of the information would ensure a solid background for when they all became genin. This is why Naruto was a fine ninja even thought he failed his tests. But, thought Iruka, I'm not telling Kakashi that. He was once again shaken out of his musings by a test held under his nose. He wordlessly took it and placed it at the bottom of his large pile. Kakashi's mouth dropped open.

"Iruka-sensei!"

"Yes Kakashi-san?" Iruka said politely, daring him to comment about his test. Kakashi opened his mouth to protest and shut it abruptly. "I don't have all day."

"Maa, when will you have my test graded?"

"Tomorrow before school starts. Don't be late because I will not stop teaching to give you your test." And he returned to his work. Kakashi hesitated a moment longer before poofing away.

******

To say that Iruka was surprised to see Kakashi at school and five minutes early to boot, would have been an understatement. After muttering a hasty "kai!" to dispel any genjutsu, Iruka concluded that it indeed was Kakashi waiting outside the door to his room. Kakashi's eye turned into an inverted "u" as Iruka approached with his bag bulging with graded papers. Wordlessly he followed Iruka into the room, watching as the sensei laid down all his papers and prepared for the day.

"Now," Iruka said as he sat down at his desk, "what can I do for you?"

"Iruka-sensei, do you have my test?"

"Yes I do. In fact, it's in this folder. Perhaps you would like a moment to review it before we discuss the answers."

"Maa, there's no need to dis- 67%!!!! How in Kami's name did I fail?"

"Yes, about that. I am disappointed Kakashi-kun. You clearly did not prepare well. In fact, Naruto beat you with a 71. Why don't you sit down and I'll explain the answers to you."

"I will not! Did you fail me just because I read porn? Because I annoy you?"

"Kakashi-sensei!" Iruka yelled back. "I will have you know that I never give grades, you earn them. And deal with it! One 67 won't kill you."

"Yes it will!"

"No it won't"

"YES!"

"No"

"YES!"

"Yes"

"No it won't!"

"There Kakashi-sensei. You said it yourself. It won't kill you." Iruka beamed as the first student appeared in his class. "I'm sorry, but I must get to teaching now." Kakashi stalked out of the room, fuming at failing and being outwitted by a Chunnin.

"Oh, and Kakashi-sensei. Anything above a 50 means that Konoha is lucky to have a shinobi like you."

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Yay! It's over! Out of my head.

Now to go attack my other plot bunnies!

Thanks for all the reviews!


	6. Drowning

So…more angst. Actually, this is something that recently happened in school to one of my acquaintances. If it had happened to one of my friends, I think I would have beaten the guy up. But this was something that happened to a friend of a friend of a friend's. Of course, with my own little twist on it.

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If asked, Iruka would say that the worst way to die would be to drown. All that gray-blue closing over his head, the air being pushed out of his lungs, arms flailing as his too heavy body dragged him deeper. Decapitation was instantaneous; a kunai to the gut hurt for a minute before you died. But drowning, in drowning you were aware as every function in your body shut down. You wouldn't black out instantly. Black spots would swim across your vision. You would see exactly where you were going to die. Finally, after an eternity, your vision would b lost and you'd be gone. Not a pleasant way to go.

Funny thing, Iruka thought as he stood on the streets of Konoha, how he could still feel like he was drowning with the only water in sight being the water contained in his water bottle. It had been a regular old day. Waking up in Kakashi's arms, Academy, lunch with Naruto, Academy, mission desk, and now finally back home. Only, on the way home, he had passed a dark alley. There were, how to put it, inappropriate noises being emitted from it. Iruka, being the teacher he was, was shocked. Anybody, especially little children, could walk by and see. So he quickly and quietly stepped closer, forming hand signs for a genjutsu. That is, until he heard "Kami Kakashi." Iruka froze and willed his mind to forget what he had just heard. He was probably overtired, hallucinating. And then,

"Damn Yamato. Stop squirming!" Iruka's heart broke. His breathing became heavier as suddenly there wasn't enough oxygen. He leaned forward and felt like a kunai had been wrenched through his gut. There he was. Kakashi and another man. Kakashi and Yamato. Iruka's vision blurred and he barely registered his hands making the seals to teleport home.

He appeared in his living room, arms filled with papers and groceries. He mechanically put things away and began grading his papers. Two hours passed before Iruka finished. Stiffly, he got up and walked to the bathroom. As he stood under the hot spray, he knees finally gave out from under him and he collapsed into a huddling, sobbing mass. His mind replayed every moment of that afternoon. Finally, his sobs lessened and he was able to put himself together. He threw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt as he began to prepare dinner for him and Kakashi.

He worked diligently and soon, the pot of soup was bubbling merrily away and the meat and vegetables were roasting in the oven. Iruka sat down at the table, head in his hands, wondering where he had gone wrong. Was it because he was predictable? Did he not attend to Kakashi's needs? Was he unloving? What had he done to make Kakashi leave him? A little voice in the back of his head quietly told him. He just wasn't good enough.

"Iruka! I'm home! And I brought a stray." Kakashi's voice cut through his thoughts. Two laughing voices entered the kitchen as Iruka looked up. "Iruka, I'd like to introduce you to Yamato. He's currently the head of Team Kakashi and was once my ANBU apprentice."

"Impressive record," Iruka replied with fake cheerfulness. Kakashi gave him a strange look, one that Iruka completely ignored. "I hope you'll stay for dinner. It's chicken with roasted vegetables."

"Actually no," Yamato replied, "I need to prepare for a mission. Kakashi literally picked me off the streets."

"Ok then," Iruka said, standing up to show Yamato the way out. "I hope I'll see you again Yamato-san."

"Of course Iruka-san." As soon as Iruka closed the door, Kakashi had enveloped him in an embrace.

"What's wrong?" he asked. Iruka bit his lip. He desperately wanted to tell Kakashi what exactly he had seen that afternoon. But he didn't. As much it would hurt to live a lie with Kakashi, it would hurt even more to live a life without him. He couldn't lose him. Iruka would take what he could get from this life.

"School." Iruka muttered. He kept his mouth shut.

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Reviews are awesome!


	7. No Way Out

And another one it is

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Go out with me.

No.

Please go out with me?

No.

Go out with me or I'll kill myself.

No.

Go out with me or I'll tell Anko who put the jutsu on her hair.

No.

Go out with me or I'll sic Ibiki on you.

No.

Go out with me or I'll read Icha Icha out loud to you.

No.

To your students.

No.

I'll give the sake you confiscated from Tsunade back to her.

No.

Tell the entire Akimichi clan you think they are fat.

No.

Go out with me or I'll tell Sasuke where Itachi is.

No.

I'll tell Sakura you think her forehead is huge.

No.

I'll make you pay all of Naruto's ramen bills.

No.

Go out with me or I'll tell Jiraiya to write a yaoi Icha Icha about you.

No.

I'll tell Shizune you're straight.

No.

I'll make you Hiashi's psych nin.

No.

I'll make you my psych nin.

No.

Go out with me or I'll dye your hair orange.

No.

I'll leave you alone after?

No.

I'll get Genma to stop hitting on you.

No.

I'll tell Gai that you want to challenge him.

No.

What will make you go out on a date with me?

Nothing.

Pretty please with a cherry on top?

No.

And hot fudge and marshmallows.

No.

Please, just one little date?

Fine.

Really!?

No.

Come on sensei. Go out with me because I think you have a hot ass.

…

Umino Iruka, would you like to go out on a date with me? Please?

There's no way out is there?

Nope.

Fine, one date only.

*Cackle* It was only a matter of time before you came over to the dark side.

You better make this good Hatake.

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I think i had way too much fun with this one.


	8. Smile

A/N: SHE LIVES!!!!! (insert scene from Mulan in which Mushu is awakened by the ancestor.) Hello my lovely readers! I have risen from the debris of AP exams (ugh 4), choosing a college to attend (BU!), and the general chaos of the end of senior year. Thank you to all my reviewers: Ryu Earth, Gossamerisred, autumnk13, Sugar-Hype-Queen, ILOVEYOUFORREASONSUNKNOWN, R.S.W.D.W., Antimatteranihilation, Serenityofthematrix, Ame Mika'zuki, jazzy2may, micah.n10, Alstarryn, Ally Plz, kawaii kokoro, Saiko Senshi, tiddarifka: you guys are super awesome, and for those of you who write, keep up the awesome stories. (yes I enjoy stalking my reviewers and figuring out what kind of stories they like and write) Now, on with the stories. :D

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Smile

Kakashi wasn't one for smiles. He preferred smirking or cheekily grinning. But a genuine smile, no, not really. Smiling often showed too many emotions, many of them unwanted for a shinobi. And as the elite of the elite, emotions were not appreciated. Which is why we return to the present.

Kakashi was frowning, the visible portion of his face scrunching up in confusion and a hint of anger. But only for a moment. His face gracefully returned to the appearance of a serene lake. Hi mind, however, was analyzing the scene before him.

A smile stretched wide upon the tan face standing in front of him. The teeth were a blinding shade of white. A scar, usually quiet and unobtrusive on the face, was stretched across the face, making it seem more comical yet warmer at the same time. And the happiness that that smile irradiated started from the eyes. And those eyes. Kakashi could see every emotion running through the man. There was glee, nervousness, mischief, fear, terror, warmth, a hint of loneliness, and most of all, want. He almost stumbled backwards because of the force of all the emotions. Wait a minute…Kakashi backtracked through the emotions. _Want?_ That made no sense whatsoever. Umino Iruka, his mind helpfully supplied. But what really threw Kakashi were the words falling out of the man's mouth.

"Kakashi-sensei, will you go out on a date with me?" Kakashi literally stumbled backwards. He glanced around quickly to see if others had noticed his slip up. Unfortunately for him, a good many had.

"A good shinobi doesn't wear his emotions on his sleeves." He replied monotonously before stalking away.

"That wasn't a no!" Iruka yelled happily at his retreating back. "I'll pick you up at seven tonight. Wear something decent and DON'T BE LATE!"

Kakashi shook his head. And people said Jounin were crazy. But he couldn't stop the smile that spread under his mask. According to the emotions he saw on that face, the evening would be more than the average date. Humming happily, he buried his nose back into his Icha Icha novel, wondering if a certain tan chunnin sensei showed the same kind of passion in all aspects of his life.

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a/n: well, one down. Two more to go. Hope you liked my drabble. REVIEW PLEASE 


	9. Questioning

A/N: story number 2. So this is a weird one. And I mean really weird. It just wouldn't go away.

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Questioning

_Finally_, Kakashi thought as he stumbled into his house, _that pestilence is gone_. He sighed before toeing off his sandals. It had been like this for the past five days. That kuinochi would swoop in; press a kiss to his masked lips, and teleport away. She even tried to pull down his mask today. Kakashi shuddered, moving to the bathroom so he could scrub his mask and mouth. The only person he wanted to be anywhere near his mouth was currently in the kitchen and making dinner by the sound of it. Grinning, he fell to his favorite hobby, chunnin pranking. Sliding up to the entrance of the kitchen, he grinned, planning his kiss, grope, steal some food, and miss-the-wooden-spoon-smack attack. But the moment he stepped into the kitchen, all thoughts of pranks disappeared.

Iruka's back was stiff and tense as he stirred and made dinner. Kakashi frowned; Iruka loved cooking, he said that it was relaxing after a long day. Walking forward, he put his hands on Iruka's shoulders, trying to massage the tension away. After a few moments, Iruka sighed and leaned back into Kakashi. Circling his arms around Iruka's waist, Kakashi waited, knowing that when Iruka was ready, he would talk.

"Kakashi," Iruka paused. Kakashi nodded on his shoulder, indicating for him to continue. "You still want to be with me, right?"

"Of course," came the flabbergasted and immediate answer. Kakashi was completely confused. He spun Iruka around in his arms. "Iruka, what brought this on? Did I do something?"

Iruka gave him a fathomless look before glancing away. "No, no, I was just feeling insecure."

"You never have to feel insecure when it comes to how I feel about you. I want to be with you." At this, Iruka smiled a small, happy smile. Kakashi smiled back, glad to have helped. "Now, about this wonderful smell…"

"Touch it and you die Hatake." Happy laughter sounded through the kitchen.

2 Days later…

_This is getting out of control_, thought Kakashi as he was ambushed for the third time that day. _I thought she had given up_. Sure she wasn't able to land anymore kisses on him, but Kakashi had a nagging voice in the back of his mind that said that it would only be a matter of time. And Kakashi never ignored that voice. So he teleported into the Hokage's Office, only to be nearly killed.

"BRAT! How many times do I have to tell you to use a door? Even a window would be okay!"

"Hokage-sama" was the only polite greeting before Kakashi launched into his tale of the stalker kuinochi. At the end, the Hokage grinned.

"But I thought that you would enjoy such affections."

"Only if Iruka-" Kakashi halted. He swore inwardly. He was turning into Naruto.

"Iruka?" Tsunade questioned before breaking into a wicked grin. Kakashi groaned.

"Can you see where this is a problem?" Kakashi asked. Immediately, Tsunade nodded seriously.

"So her name is Aiki. And she's a fellow ANBU. No wonder she's bat crazy." Kakashi nodded. "And because you pretended to kiss her on a mission to save your asses two weeks ago, she thinks you're interested."

"You forgot the part where she always knows where I am and the part where I have an amazing boyfriend, and that this could potentially ruin everything!" Tsunade crossed her fingers and thought for a moment.

"Go home Kakashi. Wash yourself, your clothes, and empty your pockets. She might have placed something on you that could be used as a focus. And then tell Iruka. He needs to know what's been happening so that he doesn't feel betrayed. And, he could probably help you exact revenge."

"What do you mean 'exact revenge'?"

"Remember how everyone's hair changed colors according to their feelings?" Kakashi cringed. "That was Iruka. When it comes to traps, tricks, and pranks, he's the best."

Kakashi nodded and teleported out of the tower. Only to land in front of his and Iruka's house with his lips attached to one eager Aiki-san. He made a noise of disgust and surprise before wrenching her off him and running into the safety of his house. Panting, he kicked off his shoes and flew into the bathroom, doing exactly as Tsunade said. as he cleaned himself, then his clothes, he found one long strand of blond hair discretely wrapped away within his scrolls. Growling, he burned it, feeling victorious. Now clean, fresh, and triumphant, he sauntered out of the bathroom wearing a pair of black sweatpants. He walked into the kitchen, only to find Iruka standing in the center, an unreadable look on his face.

"What am I to you Kakashi?"

"Everything." Kakashi replied without hesitation.

"Then why," Iruka asked, "would you cheat on me?"

"What?!" Kakashi asked incredulously. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"I tried and I tried to ignore the gossip. It's all around town. Hell, this morning Genma came to me and asked me if you and I had broken up. When I looked confused, he said he asked because he saw you kissing some blond!" Iruka said, his voice rising steadily. "But I ignored everything, knowing that you would come to me first and say what you want to say outright. You're not someone who goes behind people's backs. But then I came home. I felt your chakra signature outside, so I looked out the window, only to see you kissing a blond woman."

Kakashi tried to open his mouth to speak. "Iruk-"

"Just let me finish. We've been together for five years Kakashi. It's totally understandable if you don't want to be with me anymore. Just let me know right now so that I can leave with some dignity."

Kakashi growled. Before Iruka knew what was happening, he found himself pinned to one of the kitchen walls, Kakashi's face inches away from his own. Both eyes were narrowed in anger, and being this close, Iruka could see the desperation swimming through them. He swallowed nervously. He hadn't meant to sound so accusing, but what else was he to think? He opened his mouth to speak, but Kakashi cut him off.

I have worked too hard for this relationship. I'll be damned if this ends over a small misunderstanding caused by a blond bimbo." Kakashi took a deep breath. "Two weeks ago, I was on a mission. It was me and another jounin, Aiki-san. It was supposed to be a quick and silent double assassination. But there was another shinobi attack when we were there, and they got caught. Now all shinobi were under suspicion, and everyone was on their toes. But we managed to escape the suspicion. We finished our mission successfully and used the local festival as a cover for our escape. Unfortunately, as we were leaving, a drunken shinobi managed to see us. He raised the alarm, giving us only a moment to escape. To save our asses, I threw Aiki-san against a nearby wall, stuck my face into her neck, and pretended to make out with her. But when we got home, she got it in her mind that I was interested. And that's where the real problem started."

Kakashi shifted so that he was cradling Iruka in his arms. "That blond bimbo planted a strand of her hair on me, making it a focus. For the past week, she's been swooping in, kissing me, and teleporting away. Yesterday she tried to pull my mask down. But today was the worst. After I talked with the Hokage, I teleported home. That's when you saw me. But I love you and you alone." He looked at Iruka desperately. "Please believe me."

The next thing he knew, his mouth was under attack by a soft but determined pair of lips. He sighed happily as those lips dominated the kiss, brushing over his lips over and over again. Kakashi moaned as a tongue gently licked his lower lip at first, before pressing insistently. He pressed Iruka into the wall so that he could deepen the kiss, he knees almost giving out when Iruka sucked his tongue into his mouth. But eventually, the need for oxygen became too great, and the two broke apart panting. But neither one was willing to let the other go. Iruka grinned at Kakashi, his face flushed and eyes bright.

"Swooped in, huh?" His lips closing the gap for a gentler, more sensual kiss.

"Maa, I always tell it how it is." Kakashi replied with a grin of his own. "So I take it from that fantastic kiss that you're not mad at me."

"Yeah, I'm just glad those rumors weren't true." Iruka replied. "But Aiki-san needs to learn her place."

"Tsunade did say that you were devious."

"Me, devious?" Iruka said innocently. "I'm just your average chunnin."

"You, Iruka," Kakashi said softly, going in for another kiss, "are anything but average."

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Well, I told you it was weird. Reviews Appreciated. And you can make up your own ending as to what prank Iruka plays. Personally, I find that putting rotting fish in her bed and giving her a mission to locate a valuable leaf in the marshiest, smelliest, dirtiest, foulest, swamp Iruka can find would be nice. Or he and Kakashi can just make out in front of her for awhile 


	10. Food

I'M BACK! Thanks everyone who has reviewed, it's really a pleasure opening up my email and seeing reviews, favorite story alerts, and favorite author alerts. So, now on with the story. I have three drabbles that I'll be uploading, and I'm going to be trying my hand at something longer than 1000 words.

A note for this story: the next stories are on complete CRACK!!! I swear, the more depressed I get, the more weird my stories get…so bear with me 

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Food

"How long Kakashi?" Iruka asked in a low voice, glaring at his lover who was currently on the couch.

"How long what?" Kakashi replied innocently.

"Don't play games with me. Naruto told me."

"Damn brat." Kakashi growled. "He couldn't keep a secret even if he tried."

"Well I'm glad he didn't." Iruka growled back. "At least I was prepared."

Kakashi looked at himself. Damn, he hadn't had enough time to clean himself up, so lying was out of the question.

"I'm waiting. How long?"

"Ever since you left for the mission."

"So you couldn't keep your hands to yourself for three days?" Iruka asked, his voice dropping to a menacing tone. Kakashi almost squeaked.

"No," he was mortified to clear his throat. "no, no. It wasn't like that. I can-"

"Then explain to me why I walked in on you, filthy and smelly." Iruka half yelled. "Where did you do it?"

"The kitchen." Kakashi replied meekly.

"And you had to do it in my kitchen, why?"

"Because mine is too small. And I know my way around yours better?" Kakashi replied.

"Whydid you do it?"

"Well, you see, when you left, I got bored-"

"You got bored?!" Iruka exploded. "I came back after three days to find you and my kitchen filthy because you got bored? GET OUT!"

Kakashi leapt up and away from Iruka's flailing arms. "You weren't supposed to find out this way. There was supposed to be a beautiful chocolate buttercream cake and a clean, dust-free, house waiting for you after your mission. But I didn't realize that baking a cake requires finesse and practice. But I finally got it. Only I was really tired after cleaning the entire house first so I took a nap before cleaning the kitchen. I didn't realize how long I was out until I heard you walk through the door."

"Yes," Iruka replied, more calm than before, "but why did it have to be my kitchen?"

Kakashi laughed. "At least admit the rest of the house is clean."

Iruka smiled before wrinkling his nose. "Something's burning."

"My Cake!!!"

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There you have it! Enjoy and please don't burn cookies and cakes like I do. They're too good to waste.


	11. Love

Disclaimer: I don't own any characters or plot of Naruto. None of these stories are used for making a profit.

You know, if I owned Naruto, the things I would do…

Love

Kakashi grippedthe hem of his sweatshirt tightly. Shivering, he pulled the hood over his head. In his mind, he chanted, _For love, for love, for love_. He mentally prepared himself for the journey ahead. And ran after his lover into the dark tunnel. With just enough light to see about a foot in front of him, Kakashi whispered, "Iruka?"

"Kakashi?!" came the surprised reply. "What are you doing here? You hate-"

"Shhh!" Kakashi said urgently. "Let's just get this over with."

"Do you wanna hold my hand?" Iruka asked gently. Kakashi nodded and gripped his hand tightly. Together, they slowly inched along through the darkness. That is, until Kakashi felt a breath along his ear and something crawling across his foot. He yelped and ran forward at a full sprint, dragging Iruka with him. Panting, they both reached a heavy oak door.

"Open it" Iruka said.

"I think I'll pass," Kakashi replied. "Oh look, an-"

"Don't even think about it. You made it this far." Reluctantly, Kakashi pulled the door open. Only to be pulled forward and shoved into a seat. And then, the spinning started. He could hear voices, howls, and screams all around him. His hood blew back and a cool mist hit his face. He clung to who he hoped was Iruka, his eyes screwed shut until he felt the mist stop and the voices quiet. Opening his eyes, he saw black. There was not a single ounce of light filtering into the area which he sat. he tentatively tried to get up, only to find himself strapped in his seat.

"Iruka?" he whispered.

"I'm right here." Iruka replied, feeling around in the dark for Kakashi's hand. Grabbing on to it, he squeezed it reassuringly. "I'm right here."

Kakashi breathed a relieved sigh. That is, until the breath was knocked out of him as he was slammed back against his seat. His chair began to move, lurching up, down, sideways, and even upside down. Kakashi's throat was raw. He was screaming. Next to him, Iruka held his hand tightly. Finally, finally after an eternity, everything stopped and a light fell on him.

"Please raise the bar above your head and exit to your right," a monotonous voice dropped through the loudspeaker. Laughing, people stepped out of their seats and walked through the door. Kakashi wouldn't budge. Iruka prodded him.

"Kakashi? Time to go." Kakashi slowly got up and headed out the door into the bright sunlight.

"That was great!" Iruka chattered happily, talking about his favorite parts. Suddenly he noticed Kakashi gingerly sitting down on a bench. Worriedly, Iruka peered at him. "Kakashi…"

"What the hell were you thinking going into something that said 'Haunted Rollercoaster'?" Kakashi whispered. Iruka sighed.

"Why did you even come with me?" he asked. "I know how much you hate haunted things. And you barely even like rollercoasters."

"I couldn't let you go in there yourself. What is something happened?"

"Nothing happens."

"Yeah, well I love you too much to face demons all by yourself." Kakashi retorted.

Iruka smiled as he kissed Kakashi's cheek. "My hero."

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There you have it! Crack story #2!

Btw…this really happened to me a couple weeks ago at six flags. I wanted to go on the catapult, but I was going alone. A friend of mine was like "I can't let you go alone. I'll come with you." And he HATES anything that makes him go upside down. Later, he wanted to go in the haunted house, so I went with him, even though I get scared so easily…but it was fun

I love you. I love you even more when you review.


	12. Puzzle

CRACK story #3

Disclaimer: nope…as far as I'm concerned, I don't own any characters

Puzzle

To his credit as a ninja, Kakashi didn't even flinch as a rolled up piece of paper hit him across the face. Then again, to discredit his ninja skills, he didn't even notice it because he was diligently reading his Icha Icha. Glancing up lazily (and hiding the wince as he felt a paper cut across his lip) he eyed his impishly grinning lover.

"If you complete this by 7'o'clock, I'll let you go through with page 63 from Icha Icha Violence." With that, Iruka left the room locking himself in the study so that he could grade his papers. Again, to credit his ninja skills, Kakashi rapidly put away his book, cleared the table, and sat down in front of the paper with a pen. However, he was drooling through the entire process.

Glancing over the sheet, Kakashi raised an eyebrow. It was a crossword puzzle. And not just any crossword puzzle. A crossword puzzle about their relationship and life. Looking at the page, he read the first question. One across, Iruka's favorite color. Kakashi snorted, if every question was going to be this easy, he would have the puzzle done in five minutes. Contrary to Naruto's belief, it was not orange. It was cerulean, the color of Naruto's eyes. 3 across, Kakashi's favorite color. _Red_, he thought, _especially when it's on Iruka._ And so it continued for a few short moments. Basic questions like what type of house they lived in, how many kids in Iruka's class, favorite foods and such; mundane, but time consuming questions. Finishing all the across, he leaned back in his chair. 6:30. Good he had finished half the puzzle in fifteen minutes. Getting more comfortable, he looked down at One Down. And nearly choked.

Written innocently on the paper was _One Down, Iruka's favorite thing to do with his mouth_. Needless to say, it took a few minutes of drooling and dazed eyes before he actually looked at the number of spaces and noticed that it was a five letter word. Racking his brain for an answer, he finally came up with one. _Smile_, he thought with a smile of his own. He looked to the next one. Kakashi's favorite thing to do to Naruto. He grinned evilly. _No ramen_, he thought with a sinister cackle. Somewhere far away, Naruto sneezed violently, accidently triggering a chain of events that led to his perverted sensei being found peeping in a bathhouse. But, I digress.

Six down, Iruka's favorite position. Kakashi's mouth went dry. He couldn't get enough oxygen, let alone think of the answer. But nothing would fit the abnormally large blank. Unbidden, a memory popped into his mind. It was a couple nights ago when he had returned from a solo mission. He had pretty much fallen into bed as he was, filthy and covered in grime. When Iruka entered the bedroom, he had gently coaxed Kakashi out of bed and into the shower as he prepared some tea. Once clean but still exhausted, Kakashi quickly sipped his tea before keeling over onto the pillow. With a quiet chuckle, Iruka put the teacups away and returned to snuggle in with Kakashi. Kakashi adjusted to fit Iruka within his arms, and before he was dead to the world, he heard a whisper. "My favorite position."

Kakashi smiled as he wrote down his answer. Quickly finishing the remaining (and thankfully normal questions) he teleported into the study at 6:57. Iruka glanced up from his papers with a smirk.

"Done so soon?"

"Of course, I'm not called a genius for nothing."

"But I'll have to check your answers just the same."

"I wouldn't have it any other way." Iruka's smirk melted into a smile as he completed his reading of the puzzle.

"Seems like you got everything right."

Kakashi leered. "So my reward…"

"7'o'clock Kakashi." Iruka replied impishly. "Maybe you should go set up, after all, there's only a minute left."

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There you have it. The end of my stories for a while because I'm starting college.

Note: I realized how much I hate stories where Iruka is characterized as a girl. He is a man and a ninja in every sense. Just because he's portrayed as slightly less emotionally stunted as the average ninja, he's not a girl. He's just as much of a screw up as Kakashi, except, in different ways. (end rant)

Reviews are appreciated.


	13. Sport

Disclaimer: It has been disclaimed

SO, mini story...I was wondering why I see so many KakaIru fics. Then I realized that they were perfect for each other. Somehow the lazy pervert and impeccable teacher fit together like a puzzle piece. But then I began to think of how they could have possibly met. I mean, they have zero to none interaction. And then I realized that they were both Naruto's senseis. Yes I am aware of my stupidity. I also realized that there is a scene somewhere in the series that has them interacting at the Missions Desk. And of course, the part where Kakashi saves Iruka from Pein. It could have been Kakashi saving anyone else from Pein and it would have resulted in the same battle, but it was _Iruka_...hmm, suspicious don't you think. Now the point of this mini story is that I was talking to a friend in college who made me explain why I loved KakaIru so much. I opened my mouth....and nothing came out. So I went back and racked my brain for answers. And here you have my thought process. End Mini Story.

So I decided that I really can't constantly be outlining various chapters from various textbooks, so I decided to write this story. It spawns from an interesting article that I read, a movie, and some mythology from my culture. So onward with yet another drabble that I have written when I shouldn't have.

enjoy!

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Sport

When you have nothing left to lose, nothing left to gamble, what do you do?

Five men stood blindfolded and handcuffed inside a solid steel cage. There was only one way out, and that was when one side of the cage rose up. None of the men moved a muscle, their keen senses taking in the scents of smoke, dirt, and metal. Their ears gauging the sound of steel grating on steel. The task was simply put, yet impossible to complete. The five men had to run across the rail yard, across every track at full speed without getting hit by a train. While being blindfolded and handcuffed. Every man was nervous, yet none showed it on their faces or in their body language. They simply waited as the steel cage opened, not moving to get across the tracks. Only when a train whistle sounded did they silently bound off the cage, beginning their sprint to safety. They were neck to neck, all of them, yet they showed no indication that they knew a man was next to them, shoulder barely touching.

They ran like bats out of hell. Every step was a danger, tripping meant having your guts splattered across the railway. But none faltered, even when they felt the wind of a rushing train as it crossed over the area their feet had been a moment ago. Suddenly, one slowed ever so slightly almost if relieved to have escaped that train. He didn't make it across the next tracks. All the other men heard was a squelching noise, but they never faltered, never turned back. Luck was against them, they had the slimmest of slim chances of making it across alive and they all knew it. Suddenly, another man fell, his feet tripping over a rail. He dragged a man down with him. Three down, two to go. The remaining sped their pace slightly, not wanting the other to make it out alive.

If the two made it out alive, it would be a fight to the death. The stakes were higher in this game than any other game played. The winner would not only have his life, but he would also collect the hundreds of thousands of dollars that were placed in betting. This was the game they played, the game of Luck. They were a handful of the luckiest, having survived over ten years in the business; which is why today was the biggest event of the year. Four people were going to have their streak violently ended and in the brutal world they lived in, it meant the largest betting pool in the past two decades.

But none of this mattered to the two men racing across the tracks. All that mattered were their own lives. Suddenly, a shoelace was entangled with a bit of barbed wire. The last thing that man saw was the black and dusty grail at the front of the train.

And then there was one. One man running for his life. The number of rails quickly decreased as he crossed each and every one with inches of room to spare. But he was tiring; sweat clung to him as well as the dust that had been kicked up from running. His breaths were labored, but he continued the punishing pace. 5 rails, 4 rails, 3, 2, 1…he was free. The last train grazed past him as he took his final leap. He didn't stop running until his mind registered the change in ground. Instead of dirt and dust, he felt his feet landing on softer substance, perhaps grass. With speed that told nothing of his previous endeavor, he got out of his bindings, his wrists bruising from the pressure applied as they slipped out of the handcuffs and the eyes blinking rapidly as the blindfold was torn off. Focusing his eyes, he staggered towards the group of men waiting in the field.

"My money," he rasped. He felt like rolling his eyes; they were immaculately dressed, in solid black suits under the boiling sun. "And a one week recovery."

"You did well Hatake. Here's your one hundred thousand as we agreed. The Council expects you to be back for duty with your partner in ten days. Spend your time wisely." Danzo eyed the man. It was hard to believe that this haggard and tired man was the most feared and luckiest man in Konoha. But that was how they made the money they needed to support the dying village, surprise and deceit. Today had been a good day, they had made over 2 million dollars off of Rain, Mist, Sound, and Rock. He had felt worried when Zabuza and Hatake had been the final two, but that barbed wired quelled his nerves. Naturally he knew that no matter how lucky the others had been, they were no match for Hatake. As the man trudged back to his motorcycle, Danzo signaled to the others to return. He just had another idea, one that would spin the tables of Luck so much that in the end, no one would be able to tell heads from tails.

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A slam was the only warning that Iruka got as he roommate walked through the door. Taking one quick glance at him, Iruka pulled off both the shirt and pants from the unresisting body before shoving it under the shower. He left as soon as the water became hot, just this side of scalding. Steam was billowing out of the shower as he silently closed the door. Once outside, he went through the standard procedure. A basin of hot water, clean towels and rags, aspirin, muscle relaxant cream, bandages, and gauze were all placed on a small table near the king sized bed. He spread a tarp on the bed, not wanting it to get wet from the water or bodily fluids. And then he sat, waiting for the man in the shower to come out.

Fifteen minutes later, the bathroom door opened and out walked Kakashi, clad only in a pair of clean boxers. Now that the dirt and grime was gone, Iruka was easily able to see the knicks and scratches that occurred. He noted the tense muscles as Kakashi slowly walked towards the bed. Once he was settled, Iruka began to efficiently clean away at the wounds and bandage the larger ones. Handing two aspiring over with a glass of water, he cleared away everything as Kakashi swallowed the small pills and lay face down on the sheet. Grabbing the muscle relaxant cream, Iruka stepped onto the bed and began working the kinks and knots from the body under him. Kakashi made no sound and no movement. Finally done with the back, he easily rolled Kakashi over and began to work on the front of his body. Half an hour later, he wordlessly propped Kakashi up and worked on his arms. Finally done, he went to the bathroom, wet a towel, and began to clean off the excess cream. Removing the sheet, he moved the bed covers so that Kakashi could get some sleep.

"One hundred thousand, ten days, and it is partners." Kakashi said before dropping his head and becoming dead to the world.

Iruka nodded to the already sleeping man. He walked over and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. "Welcome home. I'm glad you came back safe."

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Well...what did you guys think?

This is what I have so far (well, to be truthful I have about another 1000 words). I'm thinking of making this a longer fic, but I'm not sure if the idea is any good. (The longer fic just kind of appeared as I was writing) I would really appreciate any kind of feedback. And help on how to develop a possible multi-chapter fic. Thanks!

Read and Review!!!!


	14. Are You Challenging Me?

So here's my side story for this fic. It is current Friday morning 1:18am. I have just written this fic in a grand total of 30 minutes...actuall, 34min. It's a new freakin' record. Now I just hope that once this plot bunny/just crack is out of my head, I will return to attempt writing a story with an actual plot. But I hope you enjoy. I realized that the other story I'm writing "The Game" is a bit angsty, and I'm a happy person therefore I needed to get my ridiculous amount of happiness out of me so that I can attempt to write emotional business. It doesn't help that I have a liter of Coke next to me so that I can stay awake. But such is life.

But on to the story

note: i'm reposting this simply because the first version was god awful and not edited. i'm actually ashamed to have put it up :(

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Are You Challenging Me?

"Well? Who would you date?" Shizune stopped her work, staring incredulously at the two shinobi in front of her. She blinked when both of them looked at her expectantly. She opened her mouth, but closed it, unable to come up with anything to say.

"Earth to Shizune. Between the two of us, who would you rather date?" The question, now slowly processed, appeared in her mind, and she thought hard. The two were different as night and day. One was a lazy, porn-loving pervert, who was a ruthless killer. The other was an academy teacher, mild tempered, friendly, and with a prankster streak as wide as the Pacific Ocean. She would date both of them. She opened her mouth-

"Don't you dare say both of us!" snapped the teacher in his listen-to-me-or-spend-the-day-cleaning-the-Hokage-monument-with-a-toothbrush voice. Shizune abruptly closed her mouth. There was no way that she was going to get out of this alive. So she thought hard.

"I don't know who I would date, but perhaps you should ask all your friends this question. The person with the most votes would be the best person to date." She replied, satisfied with her answer.

A single gray eye rolled in annoyance. "Maa, that's exactly what we're doing. This chunnin here insulted me, saying that no one would go on a date with me. I'm here to prove him wrong and to show that no one would go on a date with him. Right now, I'm winning 12-9."

"That's because you asked all the stupid ANBU. Everyone knows that ANBU are messed in the head." The slightly shorter man cried. "The nine who said they would date me were all the chunnin that we met."

"Well naturally the chunnin would side with one another." The other scoffed. "Your score means nothing."

"Alright!" Shizune interrupted. "Honestly, while I think you are hotter than Iruka-sensei, Kakashi-san, I would rather date Iruka. He's not a pervert and makes amazing food."

"Ha!" Iruka exclaimed. "12-10 now!"

Kakashi growled. "We still have over half the shinobi left to ask. Let's go!"

And they both stalked out, leaving a very bemused Shizune in their wake.

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"Genma, Raidou. Who would you rather date, me or Kakashi?"

Silence reined, it was almost as if someone had jutsu-ed a bubble around them. It held for a good five minutes before the two men jumped as the THUNK! of Raidou and Genma's jaws hitting the ground surprised them. Iruka thought that the picture would be complete if only the two Jounin were to be bug-eyed as well. Oh wait, that actually was happening. He waited patiently, ignoring the squirming of Kakashi next to him.

"Well?" The question came from Kakashi seemed to snap the two of them out of their apathy. Genma sniggered, Raidou just pinched the bridge of his nose before answering.

"Kakashi." He answered. Kakashi looked triumphantly at Iruka, only to be met by a glare indicating that they wait for Genma's answer. But it seemed that the answer would be a long time in coming. Genma sniggered again at hearing his friend's answer. And he sniggered again. The sniggers turned into a snort, then a chuckle, before evolving into a full blown guffaw. And it didn't stop there, the single guffaw turned into a litany of guffaws. And the guffaws became belly-aching laughs until Genma was literally rolling on the ground, unable to stop, his eyes pouring tears similar to those of Gai's and him begging Raidou for help before he died laughing.

Raidou calmly pinched Genma's nose shut and smothered his mouth until the lack of air stopped his heaving laughs. (a/n: my friend did this to me once) Slightly calmer, yet still emitting hysterical giggles every now and then, he finally looked at an impatient Iruka and a bored Kakashi.

"Iruka definately" he answered. "You aren't going to find an ass like that anywhere else in Fire Country."

It was Iruka's turn to look triumphantly at Kakashi. "It seems that we are at a tie Hatake. 24-24."

"Don't be so sure Umino. We still have shinobi left to ask." Kakashi almost snarled back. Just because you got some lucky votes, doesn't mean that you'll win."

"I could say the same for you Sharingan-san. You could be the loser that everyone just feels sorry for." Glaring at each other for good measure, they both huffed and continued their search for others.

"That was...interesting." Raidou finished lamely.

"Really? I think that that just made my day." Genma answered.

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There was only one shinobi left to ask. They had asked every genin, pre-genin, chunnin, jounin, ANBU, and even the Hokage and Hunter nins. The score was tied at 77-77. One shinobi left, and they had left him until the end for obvious reasons. One did not want to involve Gai in any challenge, ever. Iruka looked at Kakashi, Kakashi looked at Iruka. Iruka glared at Kakashi, Kakashi glared right back.

"He's your friend!" Iruka hissed angrily.

"Do not call that overly muscled, green spandex clad, Hulk, my friend. We are rivals!" Kakashi protested.

"Exactly, you actually interact with him on a fairly regular basis."

"So do you! He gives you Mission Reports."

"That would make every shinobi except for the ANBU my friends!"

"Maybe they are!"

"Then they would have all voted for me!"

"Well my friends voted for you and not me." Kakashi said petulantly.

"That's because most of your friends like me better." Iruka said smugly. "Now as him!"

"Fine, but you owe me a bowl of miso with eggplant for this!" Kakashi tread warily towards the training Green Beast. Before he could open his mouth, he was accosted by GREEN, SPARKLES, and a BOOMING VOICE!

"MY ETERNAL RIVAL!" Gai boomed. "HAVE YOU THOUGHT OF A NEW CHALLENGE?"

"No Gai," Kakashi winced. "Iruka-sensei and I need you to settle one of our challenges."

"WHAT! THE EVER YOUTHFUL SENSEI IS NOW CHALLENGING YOU? THEN HE SHALL BE MY RIVAL AS WELL."

"Gai," Iruka intervened. "This is a onetime deal. We just need you to settle our challenge and declare one of us the winner."

"CERTAINLY SENSEI!" Gai replied. "NOW, WAS IT A BATTLE OF STRENGTH? WIT? SPEED? INTELLIGENCE?"

"Er, no," Kakashi replied. "Actually Gai, who would you rather go out with? Me or Iruka-sensei?"

Gai was silent for a moment. Iruka and Kakashi glanced at each other, it wasn't like Gai to be quiet. But their worries were for naught. "MY BELOVED COMRADE! I CANNOT ACCEPT THIS PROPOSAL!"

"Uh, what proposal Gai?"

"TO GO ON A DATE WITH YOU BOTH! YOU KAKASHI, ARE A WORTHY RIVAL, AND YOU IRUKA-SENSEI HAVE THE SWEETNESS AND YOUTH I ADMIRE! BUT ALAS, I HAVE STRAYED FROM MY CELIBATE PATH! I WILL NOW RUN AROUND KONOHA ON MY HANDS 400 TIMES!" And with that, he was gone, leaving a bewildered Iruka and an annoyed Kakashi.

"How the hell are we going to figure out who won?" he complained. Iruka grinned mischievously.

"I'll play you for it."

"You're on."

"Best of three?"

"Always."

"Alright! ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS-"

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writing Gai + 1am + bottle of Coke = complete and utter crack


	15. Drink

so I am actually alive. These are some drabbles that have been the product of study breaks in between my final exams. I apologise for any mistakes in each piece, but I literally would write these in half an hour. They were my method of destressing. They are also based on various songs that came up as I was studying.

This first one is based off of Thriller by Michael Jackson

I don't own anything in Naruto, but this plot is mine.

* * *

_Funny_, Iruka thought, _I didn't see that house on the way here_. But he shrugged it off. It was Halloween, he was hammered, and he had been in a group of ten on the way to the frat. Somehow, he had been separated from his group. And by separated, it meant that he was left walking about two hundred paces behind his friends. But to a drunk, that distance seems like a mile. But the point of the matter was that he hadn't seen the old-school, Victorian house on his way here. And he was intrigued. Without a word, he slipped into the yard of the house before clumsily making his way up the steps of the porch.

_Strange_, he thought, _I thought that houses had only one door_. But again, he shrugged it off, choosing the one in the middle. Miraculously, he opened it, only to stumble over the slightly raised doorstep. Grumbling about evil doors that were out to get him, he completely failed to notice a spinning red eye watching him from the couch. Tripping yet again over the end of a carpet, he stumbled head first into the couch.

"Oof!" He cried out. The couch was much harder than he thought. He blearily looked at what he had landed on and it appeared to be a very nice looking chest. The chest was covered with a pale blue shirt, half unbuttoned, two collarbones peaking out along with the lines of very well defined muscles. Iruka's hands grabbed the already open shirt and ripped it open in curiosity. _Yes_, he thought, _a very nice chest. Looks good enough to taste_. And taste he did. He ran his tongue from the sternum of the chest all the way to the nice looking collarbones.

A gasp was heard by his dulled sense. He looked up into a gorgeous face. Iruka could feel his jaw dropping open. Who the hell on campus was this attractive? Shifting himself so that he was straddling the man, he grabbed his face and peered into his face.

"Huh, you have a red eye" He muttered.

"What a clever observation," the mouth drawled back, sounding slightly amused.

"I'm Iruka." Iruka replied. "And I want to taste you."

An elegant eyebrow arched in response. Taking that as a yes, Iruka closed the gap between their faces and kissed the man deeply. Yummy, was the only thought that crossed Iruka's mind. The kiss continued until Iruka all but ran out of breath. Even then, he tried to continue it.

"You taste fantastic."

"Hn. You know, you haven't even asked who I am. What if I was a demon?"

"Nah, you're too attractive to be a demon. But who are you?"

"Kakashi. And I am an evil demon. This is the end of your life."

"Well," Iruka continued unperturbed, "I suppose I can make an exception for your exceptionally bad acting skills because you taste nice. Now, shall we continue?"

For a moment, Kakashi looked stunned. But the moment passed as fast as it appeared. He shrugged noncommittally before amending his statement. "It will be the end of your life in a few hours." After all, even demons needed some down time from killing.

* * *

there you go, drabble #1. now back to studying.


	16. Expectations

So here is another drabble. I would like to point out that it is 6:22am here and I have been up since 4am studying. Why so early you ask? Well, I've fallen sick, and have been sleeping whenever I feel a bout of exhaustion. And due to this, my sleep cycle is totally screwed up. I mean, REALLY screwed up. It's actually pretty pathetic. So here is another story written between 5:56am and 6:19am...in the middle of studying for my psychology final.

Song Inspiration: Hey (Don't Bring Me Down) by DBSK

* * *

This was getting ridiculous. _People just never knew when to stop did they? _Iruka mused. He hated his birthday with a passion. No, that was wrong. He hated birthday _presents_ with a passion. Yes he knew he was an academy teacher, but he did not need three different school planners, five boxes of 100 count pencils, four staplers, and seven blackboard erasers. For crying out loud, he could open his own supplies store from the amount of presents he got regarding his job.

And Kami forbid if he forgot that he worked at the Mission Desk. Four sets of stamps that either denoted a mission as complete or incomplete. Six tins of instant coffee (this at least, Iruka could appreciate as he drank a lot of coffee. In fact, he was pretty sure that he had coffee for blood). And of course, there were the twenty boxes of pens and blank mission reports for those irritating jounin who couldn't write a decent sentence even if they tried.

But possibly, what annoyed him the most was the play on his name. _I mean_, Iruka thought, _with the amount of dolphin related stuff I get, there must be a dolphin store in the village that I'm not aware of!_ From the dolphin plushies (he had a whole room dedicated to them in his house), to the dolphin utensils (really? Why in the name of Kami would he eat with a dolphin fork? He used chopsticks dammit!), to the sexual dolphin paraphernalia that he Katon-ed on sight. Was it so hard to think out of the box?

Was it so hard to buy him a murder mystery? Kakashi had bought one for his birthday once, and he had fallen in love with the book. Was it so hard to buy him a set of hair ties? He had just run out of his, when Kakashi bought them as an early birthday present. Hell, instead of stupid utensils, he wouldn't mind a nice set of bowls like the ones that Kakashi bought him when Naruto broke his old set. Picture frames were nice as well, like the ones Kakashi brought for the pictures that his students drew for him. But no, everyone had to be so damn boring.

"Happy Birthday Iruka-sensei!" A silver haired jounin swung into his kitchen through the open window, throwing a box at him. Iruka's eyes lit up at seeing his friend. "Going through presents again? Got any new toys?"

"If you had come five minutes ago, perhaps you could have gotten your hands on them, but that pile of ash is what remains."

"Maa sensei, you have no respect for the finer things in life."

"I'm sure" Iruka snorted. "Well, do you want anything else besides the coffee?"

"Perhaps I'll take one of the plushies" Kakashi said thoughtfully.

"Please do," Iruka said exasperatedly. "My room is overflowing and I can't take them to the orphanage anymore."

"I think I will. Now sensei, would you open my gift?" Iruka gently unwrapped the box and opened it. His eyes widened.

"Is this-is-this-these-are…"he trailed off. Swallowing, he tried to compose himself. "Tickets for third row, center seats at the Tokyo Dome, for DBSK!!!!!"

"Yep!" Kakashi grinned. "I know how much of a secret fan boy you are. And before you say that you can't accept, you'll notice that there are two tickets there, one of which is for me. If you refuse, I won't have anyone to go with."

Iruka was silent for a moment.

"Iruka?" Kakashi looked at him worriedly, before he was slammed onto the floor by a very Naruto like hug. A starry-eyed Iruka sat on him, gleefully looking at the tickets.

"So I take that you like the present?"

"Kakashi, this is the best birthday present ever!"

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even the realm of Naruto cannot escape the hands of fanaticism caused by DBSK :) Go look them up on google if you don't know who they are. I recommend watching Mirotic *drool*

Feedback appreciated!


	17. Dark

Hey everyone. Here is the next installment of my song drabble/100 themes stories. So, I know I'm going to sound really bad right here, but I would really, really appreciate it if all the people who have read the story could drop a one line review. It doesn't have to be detailed, a simple "I liked it" or "I hated it" would be great. Nothing really sucks as much as seeing about 450 hits on a story and only 3 reviews.  
To those of you who have been reviewing all my stories, thank you so much! I'm glad you like what I write.  
A special thanks goes out to _kawaii kokoro_! Her review made me feel really gooey and warm inside! Thank You!!!!!!!!!!

I'm done. ON TO THE STORY!!!  
_______________________________________________________________

Title: Dark  
Rating: PG-13ish  
Summary: Cold hard eyes surveyed the scene of carnage  
Warnings: not happy, but not angst  
Inspiration: Forever by Drake

Cold, hard eyes surveyed the scene of carnage. He had caused this. Singlehandedly, he had taken down every living thing in the area. All that could be heard was the crackle of burning wood. All that could be smelt was the stench of burning flesh. All that could be tasted was the thick smoke that lingered. He could feel the blood of Kami-knew-how-many people dripping down his blade. He was a monster. There was a reason as to why people shied away from him. He didn't need eyes in the back of his head to tell him that people made the sign to protect them against evil as he passed them. _Cowards_, he thought as he returned to his dwelling. _Cowards who turn their noses up at what I do because they don't have the guts to do it themselves_. He stepped through the doorway of his simple hut, carefully deactivating his many traps.

A happy gurgle reached his ears. Instinctively, he pulled out a kunai and fell into a defensive stance. He strained his ears towards the sound. A low coo responded as the gurgle happened again. This time, Kakashi could clearly hear that the sound came from his bedroom. Silently approaching the door, he quietly drew three more kunai. At the sound of the third gurgle, he whipped open the door and threw all four kunai at where the sound was coming from. But they never reached their intended target. The clatter of metal on the wooden floor was deafening in the silence.

"Welcome home." A soft voice whispered. Kakashi slowly took in the scene. There were two people, no, one boy and one baby on his bed. The baby was happily cooing in the arms of the young boy. The boy himself looked to be about twelve years old, yet his eyes spoke of an age that numbered in the thousands.

"Who are you?" Kakashi asked, still not dropping his defense. His trained eyes took in every inch of the scene. The boy merely crinkled his face into a smile.

"Iruka," he replied. "And this here is Naruto."

"What are you doing in my house?" Kakashi asked, surprised and even more suspicious at the straightforward answer.

"Waiting for you to come home of course." Iruka replied cheerfully. "There's a light dinner in your kitchen if you're hungry."

"Why are you here?" Kakashi asked, even more baffled by the behavior. He couldn't understand how a boy was talking to him as if he were a normal person. In fact, he was shocked that the boy seemed uncaring about the blood and stench that still surrounded. "How did you disable my traps?"

Iruka's smile left his face as his eyes hardened. "You're like us Kakashi. You were never given anything; nothing was ever done for you. And yet, you still strive to protect the people that never raised a finger to help you. They took everything from me. My family, my life, my honor, my dignity. And I won't let that happen to my little brother. As for your traps, I'm a demon and even if I wasn't, I'd still be a master of traps."

Kakashi's hand tightened around a kunai, but didn't move another muscle. He wasn't sure what to say to the boy. Demons were common in his world, but for these two to be persecuted, they would have to be fairly powerful. Only the strong ones were killed to protect humans. "What do you want from me?"

"Nothing except for shelter." Iruka replied. "We need a place to stay, and I am willing to do anything for it."

"Absolutely not." Kakashi growled. "I'm not open to strays."

"Yet you are one yourself." Iruka replied. "If not me, please take in Naruto. I can run, but he cannot. He needs to grow a few years older before his body is stable enough to endure the rough conditions of traveling."

"Do I look like the kind of man that can take care of a child?" Kakashi asked in reply. Strangely enough though, he couldn't let that innocent child be subjected to the horrors he had seen as a child.

Iruka smiled a strange half smile. "Yes you do look like a man who can take care of this child. Giving you something to protect will make you a thousand times for formidable than you are right now. And I know that you want to be remembered as a legend. Forever."

"Fine, the child stays. You however, are a liability. I have worked too hard to have everything come crashing down on me now. I will not be responsible for two strong demons."

Iruka bowed. "Then, I'll take your leave. I will be back in ten years to check on Naruto. Take care Kakashi. And thank you."

With that, Iruka pulled on his pack and jumped out the window. He would be back in ten years, when Naruto was older and stronger. He knew that Kakashi would take care of him. And most of all, he knew that he would make sure that Kakashi would be remembered forever. It was the least that he could do for the first human that had touched his heart in seven thousand years.

* * *

so not really my usual happy-go-lucky story. But I had to get it out before I can move on to my other plot bunnies.

Remember! I'd really appreciate a simple one liner as to whether or not you liked it.  
Reviews Please!!!


	18. Kick in the Head

So I am alive and kicking with these short stories. It feels good to get some inspiration back. (It's amazing what skipping one day of classes can do for the mind and body) Anyways, enjoy.

Title: Kick in the Head  
Rating: PG  
Summary: Really, by now, Kakashi should know not to get Iruka involved in his challenges.  
Warnings: none

"Our's is a love for the ages, babe."

"Is everything that comes out of your mouth a cry for sex?"

"What!? How could you ever think that! I just wanted to let you know how amazing you are."

"Uh huh, so the hand on my ass has nothing to do with anything."

"But babe! Your ass is just so fine! I can't help it if my hand just naturally reaches for it."

"Then you won't mind when I 'just naturally' break all your fingers now do you?"

"You wound me. But you can kiss it better."

"I think punching your face might make me feel better actually."

"But I'd be disfigured! Then you wouldn't want to look at me ever again."

"That's not such a bad idea."

"But if you never look at me, how will I be able to drown in your soulful brown eyes?"

"Shut up you! Don't say such embarrassing things!"

"And then, if you turn away from my horrible face, how will I be able to see that cute little scar bunch up when you're angry or crinkle when you're excited?"

"Flattery will get you nowhere."

"It's not flattery if it's the truth."

"You know what I think?"

"What?"

"That you're a hentai loving, big headed asshole who thinks that he can actually get anyone to submit to his charms."

"Hey! I'm not an asshole."

"Give it up Kakashi. There's no way in hell I'm going to make out with you right now."

"But you're my boyfriend! It's almost criminal if you don't kiss me every moment of the day."

"I refuse to be part of one of your stupid challenges!"

"But if Gai wins, he'll finally be the ultimate winner because he'll be two challenges ahead!"

"Does it look like I care?"

"Iruka, please! I don't want to run around the psychology building, butt naked, screaming about how tight your ass is."

"Wait a minute. What did you say?"

"That I would have to run around the psychology building, butt naked, screaming about how tight your ass is."

"I'm going to kill Gai." With that, Iruka dragged Kakashi to the middle of campus and pushed him down onto the grass. Straddling the other man, he whispered "Don't get used to this." And with that, he proceeded to kiss the other man senseless. Kakashi groaned as he felt his boyfriend's tongue practically rape his mouth, and God! What was that little curling flick that he did? No one should have a tongue that's this talented. Shifting, he gripped Iruka's ass with one hand and thrust his other one into the man's hair. Kneading the firm muscles, he managed to draw out a groan from the other. In retaliation, Iruka nipped at his lipped, soothing the pain with his fantastic tongue. Plunging back into his mouth, Iruka made sure that there was no part of Kakashi that he left untouched.

"And time!" A booming voice yelled. Almost immediately, Iruka pulled away from Kakashi, stood up and dusted himself off. Kakashi, for his part, lay on the grass with a glazed over, please-fuck-me-now, look on his face.

"Gai," Iruka said calmly, as if he didn't have his tongue down his boyfriend's throat seconds ago. "If you ever drag me into a challenge again, I promise that not only will your beloved green spandex burn before your eyes, I will tell Anko that you're interested in one of her bondage nights, and I will shave off every hair on your body except for your eyebrows, which I will dye pink."

Nodding to Kakashi, he dragged the man to his feet before pulling him away to his apartment. Once safely inside, he toed off his sandals and waited for Kakashi to do the same. Still pulling a dazed Kakashi, he threw him onto their bed and handcuffed him to the bedposts.

"Now," Iruka said evilly. "About your punishment…"

Kakashi shivered and gulped. Just because their love was one that would span time and space, it didn't mean that he didn't get fucked every now and then.

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Btw…the end was most definitely pun intended.

R & R please!


	19. Obsession

**Title:** It's not harassment if you like it.

**Fandom:** Naruto

**Characters:** Kakashi and Iruka

**Summary:** "You are so gay. The number of stereotypes that apply to you make me want to vomit."

**Author's Notes:** Umm, inspiration from post-final-exams-in-the-summer happiness?

_Ring, Ring, Ring._ An alarm clock rang throughout the apartment. Groaning and snuffling, a hand swiped at the alarm, silencing it. Soft grumbles were heard before trailing off into light snores. From somewhere else, an annoying beep took up residence.

"Dammit! I'm up already!" A man shot out of bed, yelling at no one in particular. He rubbed fiercely at his eyes before glaring at the clock. 5:46A.M. shone back at him unapologetically. The man grumbled again before practically rolling his lanky frame out of bed and into the shower.

A mere twenty-five minutes later he walked out with steam billowing behind him. He threw on a pair of boxers before stalking out of his bedroom, intent on a cup of coffee.

"Holy fuck! Iruka! What have I told you about entering other people's houses!"

A tan skinned man dressed in smart black trousers and a pale green, crisp button down shirt, complete with dark blue patterned tie beamed at him from the kitchen table, his hands already curled around a cup of coffee.

"Please tell me that you actually made enough for two."

The scar across the man's nose crinkled as he grinned. "Of course Captain. How could I not cater to my beloved's wishes?"

"Don't start with the 'Captain's' and 'beloved's' this early in the morning," Kakashi grumbled. "Why are you here?"

"Just making sure that the star of the team, the Extractor, isn't late to his clientele meeting. After all, we have a meeting with the prestigious, don't-fuck-with-me-or-die-by-my-glare Fugaku Uchiha."

"Why do you think I'm up this early? God, just looking at you makes my head hurt. I don't know how you can be so lively this early."

"My reward is seeing those delectable hip bones peeking out from those pesky boxers. I'm sure if I had been earlier, I could have helped you out with any _hard_ situations that you woke up to," Iruka grinned at the predictable eye roll.

"Ugh," Kakashi replied. "You are so gay. The number of stereotypes that apply to you make me want to vomit."

"Feeling sick Captain? I can give you Iruka's special treatment. It'll leave you deliciously sore and oh so relaxed."

"Shut up Iruka. Go away and make sure Naruto's up. He needs to be there for the meeting as well."

"Yes sir," Iruka replied as he tossed back the last of the coffee. As he turned to leave, he looked back to Kakashi. "Captain, try to wear something other than black. I know you think you look cool, but it really just makes you look like you're going to a funeral."

Iruka chuckled as he fled, slamming the door on an indignant squawk. Taking a breath before walking down the stairs, he sighed happily. Those hip bones had looked exceedingly delicious today.

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GOD. I haven't touched this piece in YEARS. But hey, it's kind of a dump for all those little ideas that fill my head and have no place to go. Maybe one day I'll get around to doing all 100 themes on my list...one day.

Read and Review!


	20. Illusion

**GENIN LEVEL**

**Prompt #4:**Genjutsu [A/N: Let's just say...illusions for now]

Kakashi sat on his bed with his head in his hands. For a genius, he sure could be stupid sometimes.

Every month, Kakashi paid an exorbitant amount of money for an escort. The reason? Because he wanted his family and friends and press to lay off on speculating about his love life, or lack thereof. The escorts weren't those generic floozies. They were well versed in many subjects ranging from philosophy to sports. And for the past two years, they had suited Kakashi just fine. No strings attached, no unnecessary commitments, and no problems when he got bored of them. Really, it was a win-win situation.

But he had royally fucked up with this one. For the past seven - _seven_- months, his escort had been one Iruka Umino, academy professor by day, escort by night. And he was -for lack of a better word- perfect. His wit, his humor, his kindness, his warm brown eyes, and smoking hot body...Kakashi could go on for days.

And he had -again, for lack of a better phrase- fallen in love with the man. An escort. Basically a mirage that he himself put into place to make it seem as if he wasn't lonely. And try as he might, he was completely and utterly unable to break free of it. In fact, he was pretty sure that he was completely unwilling to break free of it.

He sighed as he dialed the escort number again, asking them to send over Iruka.

"I'm sorry Mr. Hatake," the oily voice responded. "Iruka has stopped working with us. He stated that he no longer needed the money."

Well, if that wasn't a sure fire way of bringing someone's world down around their feet, Kakashi didn't know what was.

"Could we interest you with someone else?"

_As if anyone will ever match up to Iruka,_he thought viciously. "No, not tonight then."

"Very well, Mr. Hatake. Have a good night." And so there he was, holding his head in his hands.

His head perked up at three solid knocks on his door. It was fairly late, so he had no idea who could have been visiting. Grumbling about late visitors, he yanked the door open.

"Hello Kakashi." And then Kakashi stumbled back as Iruka Umino launched himself at him, pulling his head down for a searing kiss.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXX**

This stems from the Autumn Drabbles round on the KakaIru Fest comm on lj :)


	21. Give Up

**GENIN LEVEL**

**Prompt #3: **Loyalty

"I don't think this is going to work out."

"It could, if you could only change."

"That's rich. Why do I have to change? Why can't you adjust?"

"Why?! Why would I adapt to your stupid beliefs?"

"Stupid!? I'll have you know that my beliefs are far superior to yours. At least we appreciate everything in faith! You guys hate half the stuff that's part of your beliefs."

"It could have been done better. And I don't see anyone complaining about the epicness of Liam Neeson! Besides, no one can compare to the epic relationship between Luke, Leia, and Han."

"Oh please, everyone knows that Kirk, Spock, and McCoy are the trifecta of space travel."

"Star Trek has crap on quotable quotes. Everyone knows that all the good quotes come from Star Wars. Not to mention that our music is way better."

"At least our Reboot movie was good. Your stupid Episodes I-III are not only terrible movies, they do nothing to create love and appreciation for the original things. At least the new Trek movie brought even more fans to our fandom."

"That's because you didn't even have any to begin with. My movies were a hit from the start. Yours needed _years _to garner attention."

"But now they're better than ever."

"No they're not. Star Trek will never compare to Star Wars."

"You're right. Star Wars could never be as amazing Star Trek."

"Screw you! I'm breaking up with you!"

"Not if I break up with you first!"

The two men glared at each other from across the sofa, both probably thinking that they would become missing nin first before giving up their loyalties to their respective Sci-Fi religions.

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This stems from the Autumn Drabbles round at the KakaIru Fest comm on lj. ENJOY =]


	22. Insanity

**GENIN LEVEL**

**Prompt #2:**Mission: Baby-sitting

Kakashi loved Minato and Kushina. And Kurama was one of his best friends (_I'm your best friend dammit!_A voice suspiciously sounding like Obito yelled in his mind.) But the other two brothers? They were demon spawn.

He knew that there was no way that Kurama, Obito, and himself were half as bad as the Terrible Three he currently baby sitting. Even Obito, who was the loudest of the three, was never as bad as the Three on their best days.

"IRUKA! Put down that mouse right now!"

"Okay!" Iruka happily dropped the mouse down on the carpet and it bolted away. Kakashi nearly screamed in frustration. Now he had a mouse to remove from the house too!

"Iruka! Why'd you do that!" The petulant voice of Itachi Uchiha piped up from behind. "That mouse was going to be lunch for Fuzzy."

Kakashi really did scream this time at the snake that was weaving around Itachi's wrist. _No, no, no, no, NO!_"Itachi, you have three seconds to set that snake free outside before I smash it's head in."

Paling, Itachi quickly set it loose in the backyard. Just as Naruto walked in the house with a baby fox. Kakashi didn't even say anything before he plucked the kit from his hands and hurled it out of the house. Sighing, he dusted his hands and turned back to the hellions.

Wide blue, black, and brown eyes stared back at him, suspiciously shiny. Kakashi groaned when he saw a single tear leak from baby blue eyes. A small sniff came from Itachi and Iruka.

_Dammit,_ was Kakashi's last thought before the house filled with the wails from three heartbroken children.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

This stems from the Autumn Drabbles round at KakaIru Fest on lj. Enjoy!


	23. Horror

**GENIN LEVEL**

**Prompt #1:**chakra

It was a well known fact that as a chunnin, Iruka had a lower supply of chakra as compared to jounin. It was a carefully hidden fact that Iruka had a very, _very_limited supply of chakra. In fact, his chakra was so low, that during routine physicals, new medics thought that he was an older genin before they actually saw the man. But as expected, in a ninja village, such a severe disability was honed until it actually became an advantage.

As a school teacher, village records show that his graduating classes have the best chakra control every year. All of his students, while seemingly innocent, know how to build vicious traps from the most mundane substances. As a Missions desk worker, his reports are unfailingly precise and on time. Besides, that voice and that skill with pencils and erasers isn't something chakra could do more to enhance.

He is one of Ibiki's best spies, because honestly, known ever looks twice at the full grown man with a genin's chakra. Especially if he is smiling pleasantly while politely talking about the weather. He is the man who every other ninja village underestimates, and sometimes the man that his own friends underestimate, despite being victim to his brilliance and sheer ingenuity.

But at the moment, he is the man who is going to strangle the Great Sharingan Kakashi with his own chakra wire if he doesn't explain (RIGHT NOW!) what he's doing to Iruka's favorite dolphin plushie.

**XXXXXX**

As always, a part of the KakaIru Fest Autumn Drabbles Round


	24. Annoyance

**CHUNIN LEVEL**

**Prompt #1:** Compulsion

Kakashi groaned as the first few beats of a song filtered through the radio. He reached to change the station, but his hand was swatted away. He looked incredulously at the man sitting next to him.

"You can't be serious Iruka," he said. "You like this song?"

"It's so catchy!" Iruka said happily as he turned up the volume. "You can't help but sing along."

"Yes, yes I can." Kakashi deadpanned back. "This song makes me want to cringe."

"Stop whining, you big baby, and sing along!" Iruka ordered, turning the music up even louder. Kakashi whimpered as Iruka and the singer yelled out the song.

"HEY I JUST MET YOU, AND THIS IS CRAZY." Iruka had his own little song and dance going on in the seat next to him, complete with his cellphone as a stand in for a mic. "BUT HERE'S MY NUMBER, SO **CALL ME, MAYBE?**"

Kakashi groaned as Iruka continued his interpretive dance to the song in the seat next to him. _A 25 year old man should **not** know the lyrics to this song,_ thought Kakashi.

"Before you came into my life, I missed you so bad. I missed you so bad. I missed you so, so bad! So call me, maybe?" Iruka leaned over into Kakashi's face as he sang, ending the verse and song with a hard kiss.

Kakashi grumbled, but didn't complain. Maybe if Iruka's rendition ended this way every time, the song could have a chance to grow on him.

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For the record, I LOVE this song. It's a guilty pleasure XD


	25. Test

**CHUNIN LEVEL**

**Prompt #2:** Ramen Stand

"Wanna go out?" Kakashi peered over his newspaper at the young man standing in front of him. He blinked twice.

"Excuse me?"

"I said, wanna go out?" The young man grinned cheekily at him, the scar across his nose stretching with his smile.

"How old are you kid, 16?" Kakashi replied, returning to his newspaper.

"23 actually," The boy replied. "But just because I'm young, it doesn't mean that I can't see how smokin' hot ya are."

Kakashi snorted; the boy was growing on him and who didn't like a compliment coming from a younger man.

"That wasn't a no," he said cheerfully. "Oh yeah, name's Iruka Umino. And I already know you're Kakashi Hatake."

"Then you'll realize that I'm a good 25 years older than you," Kakashi replied mildly.

"So? It's not like I'm looking to settle down with a family. It's not like I'm in this for the money. I got plenty of that on my own." Iruka said. "I'm just lookin' for a good time with a good lookin' man."

"Brat," Kakashi said affectionately. He eyed him speculatively. "Maa, I suppose we could try this out. But you're paying."

"Cheapskate," Iruka replied happily. "If I'm paying, then I'm taking you to my favorite ramen place. Pick you up at 7?"

Kakashi smiled as he wrote down his number and address. Life was getting pretty routine at 48, maybe this was exactly the kind of excitement he needed.

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Read and Review Please!


	26. Trouble Lurking

**CHUNIN LEVEL**

**Prompt #3:** so this is kinda based off the anguished/betrayed/angry expression of the tattoo.

Iruka shuddered as he came into Kakashi's hand. His body relaxed as small waves of pleasure radiated through his body as Kakashi thrust a few more times before stiffening and slumping over him.

"I think that might have been the best one yet," Iruka mumbled from underneath Kakashi. He could feel the answering smile on his neck before Kakashi lightly bit him. "Get off me, I need to shower before I leave for work."

"Iruka..." Kakashi whined as the man wriggled his way out from underneath him.

"Kakashi..." Iruka teased back before entering the bathroom. Sighing, Kakashi leaned back into the pillows. From the bedside, his phone rang. Glancing at the number and then at the still closed bathroom door, he picked up the phone.

"Yeah?" He paused as the other person spoke. "I'm going to need a couple more days, but I've made it into his house. Now it's just a matter of being here while he isn't."

Another pause. "Relax, everything's still on schedule. Look, I'll call when I get it."

-

Iruka huffed. Kakashi looked up from his coffee with a mild glance. "What's wrong?"

"This damn case," Iruka muttered. "There is so much damn paperwork involved."

Kakashi got up from his place on the couch. "Why don't we go to bed? And you can wake up early and keep working?"

"Yeah," Iruka sighed as he put away the files. "That sounds good."

Three hours later, Kakashi crept into the hallway. With practiced ease, he picked the lock on the cabinet that held the case files. Pulling out the most important ones, he pulled out his phone and began snapping pictures. He was so engrossed in his work that he didn't hear the soft padding of feet behind him.

"What do you think you're doing?" Kakashi stiffened. Iruka walked to the cabinet, stuffed the papers in, and re-locked it. He pulled the phone from Kakashi's hand and deleted the pictures.

"Kakashi Hatake, ex-ANBU who is called in on the occasional job. Did you really think I wouldn't check your background?"

"Paranoid, are we Detective?"

"For good reason."

Kakashi looked pointedly at him. "You're going to lose this case. I've got a photographic memory."

"Oh I know," Iruka replied humorlessly. "And tell Danzo that if wants to play dirty, that I am way ahead of him."

Kakashi started at this statement. Not many people knew of his boss.

"Now. Get out before I call for back up." With that, Iruka turned away, and headed back into his bedroom, not bothering to see if Kakashi was actually leaving.

XXXXXX

429 words...damn that was close.


	27. Do Not Disturb

**JOUNIN LEVEL**

**Prompt #1:** When the enemy attacks, remain undisturbed but feign weakness _Book of Five Rings, Fire Book, The Second: Tai no Sen_

Chakra sensors picked up the malicious chakra a mere seconds before an explosion on the Academy grounds rattled the building. But those seconds were enough.

By the time the enemy nin broke down the door and entered each room, the teachers already had alerted the appropriate people and the children were sitting quietly in their seats, their books open to the exact same page.

Iruka whipped a kunai at their attackers the minute they stepped into the room, but otherwise did not move. He continued his drawing of the chakra pathways.

"You have interrupted my class," Iruka said calmly, his perfect handwriting never waivering. "Please do not make any excessive noise as the children must learn these pathways for their test tomorrow."

"It's a pity they won't live to see it," one enemy rasped. Iruka's eyes flashed angrily causing the enemy to grin. There wouldn't be any heroics here; the children were too precious.

Another tug on the chakra sensors caused a small smile to break out on Iruka's face. Not two seconds later, Konoha was swarming the building, effectively taking down the enemy. Within 15 min, Ibiki had new prisoners to torture and interrogate.

"Iruka-sensei," The ANBU with a Hound mask nodded in the teacher's direction. Iruka nodded back and continued to lecture about the chakra pathways, throwing an eraser at Konohamaru's head as he tried to escape the classroom. He smiled at the predictable, resulting yelp.

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Jounin Exams at the KakaIru Fest on lj!


	28. Safety First

**JOUNIN LEVEL**

**Prompt #2:** Before all else, be armed _Machiavelli_

Iruka re-checked his bag for all the supplies he would need for the day. A laugh drew him away from his mental checklist.

"Dammit Kakashi!" Iruka fumed. "Let me check and make sure I have everything!"

"Babe, you've looked through that bag 24 times now," Kakashi replied. "Take it easy. You've got everything."

"If I forget something," Iruka replied, slightly hysterical now, "there will be hell to pay!"

"It can't be that bad. After all, you've done it before," Kakashi replied easily before herding Iruka out the door. "Besides, you'll get a nice reward at the end of the day."

"That doesn't help."

Kakashi laughed. "Come on, let's get you over there. God forbid if you're a whole minute late."

"Kakashi! Baby-sitting Naruto, Kiba, and Sasuke while their parents go for dinner is NOT a laughing matter!"

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This babysitting seems to be a theme of chaos.


End file.
